Ferocious fucking sexual beasts like me aren't born every day you know. All of us descended from the primordial virgin ooze; so even a predator like me was a weak vulnerable piece of prepubescent slime, just like you cock sucking readers out there!

So there I was, a young handsome Fucker, unknowing of how awesome I would one day become; but that's beside the point—I was a sexually frustrated teenager, so when a semi-decent skirt comes along and asks me to be her boyfriend, who the fuck am I to refuse? Even if this chick is considered a crazy back alley skunk cat who blows slugs that would rather use a trash bag than a condom just to impress her even skankier jailbird sister like they were in some kind of post apocalyptic wanton competition. What the fuck did I care!? "I can change her ways" I told the prying dick lickers. Hell, I didn't care; I was attracted to her skanky ways like zombie in a maternity ward. Of course I found out she was seeing someone else at the time too, but whatev. How often is it that I get a fucking girlfriend anyhow? But then the day comes when the insanity and slut-mongering go even too far for Fucker... which is pretty damn far. So I'm proud to say she's the first crazy bitch I released back into the wild, if but a little awkwardly...the first time I tried to break up, over IM mind you (l8tr babe, go run free like a sailor on a shipwreck surrounded by big dicked sharks. Lolz k bye), she tried to fake her own fucking suicide! Second time I broke up she threatened to have some of her cauliflower eared thugs to come in my window at night and slit my damn throat! But Fucker will not, I repeat ‘WILL NOT’ be backed into any relationship regardless of threats! Funny thing was I never banged her…my younger sleaze shit self believe it or not, was a damn fucking pussy, covering his ass under the pretense of higher fucking morale bullshit! What an idiot.

So 12 years pass and this dame calls me up again, this time proclaiming how wonderful of a boyfriend I was and how much she misses my pansy ass teenage pussyfooting kisses and hugs. Now normally I wouldn't get involved in such crazy pussy bullshit like this, but I've been brooding for over 12 years on what the fuck it would have been like to bang this chick. So I play along and of course no broad can resist the Fucker in his current fountain of sexual predatorily prowess so I soon start to receive all sorts of scandalous lingerie ‘sexting’ pics—but then she started telling me the sad tale of her life after we had broken up… involving a mental institution and the mysterious love child of a pill-popping alcohol and drug-induced party…, this kind of shit is even too much for the Fucker to handle, so I made up some sordid excuse and released her unto the wild once again…have fun with those big dicked sharks babe.